Shelf Life

Scrapped Princess, Divergence Eve, Daphne, more

Lately, I seem to always be working on this column while soaring 10,000 feet above the Earth's surface. However, unlike some of my fellow engers (the man in front of me has been drooling uncontrollably onto his lapel since takeoff), I find that I work better when cooped up inside a metal barrel with nothing else better to do, short of going through the SkyMall magazine for what seems like the hundredth time that year. And, with the pleasure of people-watching, it gives me plenty of time to think. As I zoom over large patches of water and fluffy, ice-cream clouds that make me ravenously hungry, I can mull over random observations while listening to the soothing 80s sounds of E.G. Daily on my MP3 player and sipping my preferred complimentary beverage of choice, tomato juice. Normally, I like to glance at people and think about what their lives are like, like the art student sitting diagonally from me, sporting a home-knit vest, feathers in her hair, skin-tight lycra leotard bottoms, 80s-style striped leg warmers, and coloring a cubist-style piece with neon Sharpies. But today, I noticed that there are quite a few people on my flight who look like historical figures, which isn't something you normally see, although one of my human physiology professors is the spitting image of Napoleon Bonaparte. There is a man a few rows back who looks like Christopher Columbus, another that looks like Winston Churchill, and further back, someone who looks like Vlad the Impaler. Right now, someone who looks like Margaret Thatcher is getting up to use the restroom, while Joseph Goebbels moves his bag to accommodate her.

If you need a way to the time on a flight, this is the way to do it. Welcome to Shelf Life.

Porco Rosso Buenavista 98 min. 1/1 $29.99 02/22/2005 Whoever thought a fat pig could be so charming? Not that that's a surprise—“charm” is a concept that Spirited Away. Sell by: Anytime, really. Porco Rosso is a timeless classic that will please animation fans for generations to come.

Samurai Champloo Vol. #1 Geneon 100 min. 1/? 01/11/2005 $29.98 It's all about the flavah, baby, and Otogi Zoshi. Sell by: Preferably soon. I had to go to three Best Buys to find this on the shelf!

FUNimation 125 min. 3/? $29.98 03/01/2005 Make no mistake, Jin-Roh. Sell by: The problem with Spiral is that you can hold off watching it forever, but once you start you can't stop. The cliffhangers sure don't help.

Rumiko Takahashi Anthology Vol. #1 - Primal Needs Geneon 100 min. 1/? $29.98 01/11/2005 Takahashi's one shots have a huge advantage over some of her longer series—brevity. They still have the same beautiful stories and colorful characters, but they're over and done with before readers have the chance to be consumed with boredom. That plays a huge part in what makes her Human Crossing a go, or my favorite collection of vignettes of all time, Memories. Sell by: One of those impulse buys.

Scrapped Princess Vol. #1 - Family Ties + Artbox + Figure Bandai 100 min. 1/6 $49.98 04/26/2005 Scrapped Princess Vol. #1 – Family Ties Bandai 100 min. 1/6 $29.98 04/26/2005 While there's certainly a lot of hype surrounding Ayashi no Ceres. Sell by: If you want the figure, get it before it sells out. Other than that, I'd wait to see if it picks up. It's easier to have a popular fansub run when you're not paying for it.

The Daichis Vol. #2 - Debt-Doomed Geneon 100 min. 2/? $24.98 03/01/2005 Talk about taking a geriatric genre and kicking it in the groin! The Daichis prove that even after years and years of transforming superhero shows, there's still more fun to be had. With four more episodes lined up, the dysfunctional family is pitted against giant toys, huge robots, and of all things, a huge Soviet factory demon of death that swings around a hammer and a sickle. Seldom are there hero shows that scream “shit!” and “bitch!” every few minutes, and the last I checked, there weren't that many series that showed little boy bits all the time either. Certainly, The Daichis isn't really something you can watch over and over again, but it's great at least once. It keeps making attempts to shine some deep family moments on all the action and drill in some bits about love and happiness, but if you're going to be watching this show, do it for the laughs. If you're bored this week, this is well worth your time. Related Products: Go go Special Duty Combat Unit Shinesman! Businessmen who transform into fruity superheroes? YES! Sell by: One of these days. It's one of those you pick up on an afterthought, because people hardly ever this show exists.

New Getter Robo Vol. #1 - Rude Awakenings Geneon 100 min. 1/4 $29.98 03/01/2005 Is it strange that I couldn't help but think about MazinKaiser shows. Sell by: Eventually. Old robot shows have been around forever, and this will eventually find its place on an aficionado's shelves.

ADV Films 100 min 3/7 $29.98 03/01/2005 It's about time things start inching out of One Shot Territory. Inching, mind you, not lunging, or even crawling. Like the past two volumes, the first two episodes on this disc were primarily standalone stories. The first one involved a lovesick Wiz pining over a cute lop-eared female, and the second a time-shifting story about a magical violin. Fun, to be sure, but after so many episodes, these side stories are getting a little dull. Luckily, things start moving a bit more in the next two episodes. Dark has two more items he wants to steal, but each one gets him closer and closer in with Krad. How the two relate and what the relationship between them is still unanswered, but it gives the lagging series a hearty kick in the pants. Hopefully, with things gaining a bit more complexity and sneaking closer to an established story arc, Saint Tail or Lupin, it's all about stealing things with arrogance. Sell by: Soon. Unless you buy it now, it'll fade away into obsoletion.

Divergence Eve Vol. #1 -Welcome to the Watcher's Nest ADV Films 125 min. 1/3 $29.98 03/01/2005 Eventually, if you make torpedo tits big enough, you'll eventually hit a threshold where viewers keep watching the next episode just to see how high they'll bounce. Sadly, that's how I made it past the first episode, and I'm thankful for it—especially since the first episode was pretty terrible. Taking place at the end of the series, it plops viewers right into the middle of everything with zero explanation and enough meaningless technobabble to make your eyes glaze over. The horrible mixture of 3D and 2D artwork didn't help the situation at all, and combined with just how rough and choppy the first episode was, they're lucky anyone watched the second. Misaki is a new cadet on Watcher's Nest, a colony set up in one of the outer reaches of space. However, only the military knows the real reason why they're there—to prevent the spread of GHOULS, mysterious monster-like entities that apparently just kill things. Despite the best efforts of the production staff, things don't really get interesting until the second episode. Viewers are transported back to the beginning, to start the journey of discovery with the characters. What are the GHOULS, and what the hell are all those creepy marching things on the Core's surface? Nobody knows, and it's that morbid curiosity that makes it worth checking out once. The only challenge is to ignore those mammaries and the technovomit that fills up 80% of each episode. Related Products: With the exception of the big tits, I found this to be a lot like Stellvia—just a group of girls training in space. Sell by: Now, if ever. Just get the first episode over with; it gets better after that.

Daphne in the Brilliant Blue Vol. #1- Initiation Geneon 100 min. 1/? $29.98 03/01/2005 I've started this review nine times now, and all I can think about is the thongs all the girls wear. Some of them don't even have strings to hold them up—they just magically magnetize themselves onto their crotches in a valiant attempt to shield them against stray bullets and other dangers that protective clothes were made to block. But wait, back to the review. Getbackers. Sell by: Never. There's a million other shows like it, all with more dignity than this one.

Hanaukyo Maid Team: La Verite Vol. #1 - How Do You Do, Master? Geneon 100 min. 1/3 $29.98 01/04/2005 Milquetoast hero, check. Who ends up living in a huge mansion by himself, check. With lots and lots of women, check. WHO ARE ALSO MAIDS... check. Need I go further? Is there anything that this show can unfurl in four episodes that I couldn't predict after five minutes? I hope you'll forgive me for this spoiler: No. After Taro's mom up and dies, he ends up going to Tokyo to meet his grandpa. In a twist of events, he ends up inheriting a ginormous house complete with an army of maids who are falling over each other to please their master. This, usually, involves either rubbing their breasts all over him, or reminding the audience that yes, they have a pair of nipples. However, as much as our little boy wonder is enjoying his new home and crushing hard on the head maid, things are not to stay forever. Along comes Rukya, an ice princess who was betrothed to Taro in a move to unite the family fortunes. Undoubtedly, havoc will ensue, and it's with humiliation that I it that I'm kind of curious what will happen next. ... Well... okay, you got me. I just want to gawk at maid nipples. Related Products: If you're looking for more of this Millions of Girls + 1 Guy crap, wait for Mahoromatic a go. Sell by: Just say no.

That's it! Starting next week, I'll be doing the releases for the week, and then doing supplementary “catch up” Shelf Lives in between. I will prevail!